Throw Her in the Brig!
Hi everyone, your favorite bitter, satanic queen is back with another Shear Genius 3 weekly round up. Our merry band of hair hookers finally started to lose their damn minds as they hit the halfway mark. I hoped for at least a teensy bit of drama and gosh-darn-it, the children served mama a heaping portion of anger, jealousy and resentment! I was as tickled as Kirstie Alley with a cheesecake, as hyped up as Lindsay Lohan clawing through her purse for a bag of a coke, and as ecstatic as Mel Gibson after a handle of vodka. Well, maybe not quite thaaat excited. No police were involved.
CAMILA: Her curly pinned up bob was a stylish and witty choice to wear for the short cut graduated bob challenge. Unfortunately her pin–up do was underwhelming for the elimination challenge and miss thing slipped backwards, showing little finesse as hostess again. I hope no one lets her see all that venom directed at her on Facebook –now that’s a beauty bloodbath!
JONATHAN: He keeps increasing the vitriol at the final judging. This week he told Brian his hairdo “sucked,” Matthew that his use of a hairnet was tantamount to cheating, and April that she would never make any money as a hairdresser. Horrible hairdressers can make tons of money - that just made him sound stupid. The other two were actually pretty valid. I think the only reason Matthew didn’t win was that he didn’t do all the hair color that Brig did. I hate to admit it but I do enjoy Jonathan, he brings ultra trashy Bravo cred to the show.
KIM VO: I loved how he ripped Amy to shreds for not doing her model’s roots! He also unveiled a brand new facial expression this week, when Camila introduced him he stuck out his tongue as he did his frightening signature smile, dangerously escalating to Michael Jackson level freakiness.
ORLANDO: I enjoyed his feedback to Janine about her wet set (wet sets are hugely risky in a timed competition because they take forever to dry and can be problematic to comb out) and how he pointed out that atrocious Amy was referencing the 20s or 30s not the 1940s. She must have still been back on the bob challenge. LOL! It is amazing how many stylists do not know their decades. I hope Senor Pita continues to speak his mind!
THE SAHAG GUY: Am I the only one that is tired of judges who have no accomplishments of their own? Assisting a great hairstylist is not in-and-of-itself a claim to fame. It just shows that instead of building his own resume he is hanging off the balls of a dead icon. He also was the wrong judge for this challenge. They should have let Orlando judge it. This guy told Brig she didn’t put any graduation into her cut. Not true. Graduation is simply a build up of weight, all the cuts had graduation, some were merely bad examples of a classic technique. He ended up looking dumber than even the confused and moronic Brian.
THINGS I LOVED:
APRIL: Uh-oh. Hooooney. Her diatribe about graduated bobs was bizarre, unreasonable and embarrassing. Her violent aversion to this cut is completely at odds with the basic tenets of hair dressing. It would be like someone being shocked and pissed about a hair challenge involving blow dryers. This was a great test! Asking a bunch of stylists to cut a dry bob on curly hair is a difficult, pure and telling way to separate the real hairdressers from the loud-mouthed charlatans. The only thing April convinced me of was that she is shitty at her job and delusional. I heard all my former teachers voices in my head chanting “you need to learn the rules before you break the rules” as April loquaciously whittled away at what little authority she had left. It seemed like all she heard in HER head were strange voices coaxing her deeper into mental illness.
MATTHEW AND JANINE BACKLASH: Finally these guys are sick of loving the fact that M&J are kicking their asses! The Jon comment about Matthew on the soapbox and Amy lamenting that they needed to be knocked of their “pedestal” were the type of conflict that reality fans live for! Matthew and Janine continue to be the most consistent and remain shoe-ins for the final three.
BRIG: This nutball did it again. She pulled together a polished pin-up look with a pretty blonde hair color. The eccentric asymmetric spin she put on the look showcased her wacky personality as well. I wonder if she might end up in the top three with Matthew and Janine. I hope the dislike between Brig and the Wonder Twins continues to simmer up to the three of them facing off in the finale. That would be something juicy to watch!
AMY: She needed to go ages ago! I understand that in a show like this you need to keep a couple dreadful contestants around to be a counter point to the good ones but this chicky babe drove me to drink, more than usual that is! Hopefully the hurt feelings will fester and the anger become all consuming hatred. I want blood next week! BLOOD I SAY!! OK. OK. I’ll settle for slapping, cussing and hair pulling. Adios my twisted little monkeys. XOXO
You can find Charlie at Click Salon in Denver and on his Web site