Hair Today, Gone TomorrowHere I am once again, my little harpies, back like clockwork and ready to trash talk about the motley hair hooligans of SG3. Episode six brought us more Brig VS Matthew and Janine, fresh new sins against the world of beauty and gobs of bad taste. Lets savor this bounty together over a frozen pizza and a gallon of Chardonnay shall we?
THE JUDGES
CAMILA- I saw a picture of her at the Oscars. I wonder if anyone there knew who she was? Her standout quip this week was when she cautioned Jon to be nice to his model as he roughly combed through her hair while he presented her for judging in the short cut challenge. I guess campaigning for client comfort is a crusade of hers. Fighting crime it is not but she does need to pretend to care a smidge about what goes on in the Nexxus Salon I suppose. Now that’s a challenge.
JONATHAN- The dorky Mr. J displayed Tourettes like behavior when he started screaming at the contestants during the elimination judging. His tirade involved something about the judges being pissed off each week because one by one the kids will go home and aren’t making a big enough effort to impress the judges. I might even consider an escape a la Giacomo myself if it meant not having to wade through Jonathan’s contradiction-laden observations. He totally lost me when he was seduced by the “bump” at the front of Janine’s up do. Her task was to make her client look like she worked at a fashion magazine not like a cocktail waitress at a strip club. He did help his sister create the look of the Pussycat Dolls, which may explain how he views fashion. Janine gets a pass because the do was acceptable (even if it didn’t quite suit the assignment) but tacky Jonathan deserves to get his own final cut.
KIM VO- Miss Vo also was all over the place with his comments. He said Matthew was screwing up his long curly “Telemundo Presenter” look during the elimination challenge but then did a 180 and chirped like a bird about how lovely it was the next. Maybe he is showing signs of brain damage due his own personal bout with “Blondarexia.” I hope he gets help; certainly there is a treatment center in Beverly Hills, no?
KEVIN MANCUSO- His comments were a drop caustic even for a mean girl like myself but he represents Nexxus infinitely better than the ridiculous and self-important Roy Teeluck.
THINGS I LOVED
APRIL GOING HOME- She outstayed her welcome and may have whined more about her professional shortcomings than even the hopelessly impotent Adee, but she did supply a few tasty morsels of reality show lunacy in the process.
MATTHEW AND JANINE- The Wonder Twins show no signs of backing off of their nauseating love affair or their dislike of Brig, which are arguably the only reasons to keep watching SG this season.
MATTHEW’S STAR CUT - Matthew has done top-notch work all season and has yet to be in the bottom of an elimination challenge. He did unfortunately sear the image of that one horrible cut forever in the memory of anyone watching. I myself was in the bottom of eliminations challenges three times, so I admire his navigation of the competition so far and have sympathy for him about the comments he may get long term as a result of this mis-step. He may get as much grief from one stinker than he will for all the excellent work he consistently shows. I speak from experience because I still get every bit as much heckling concerning my snotty attitude about doing dog hair than I get rhapsodies about my four elimination challenge wins. Whaddaya gonna do?
JANINE'S MOON CUT- I thought she nailed this short cut challenge and seems to be the best technical cutter here. Her cut was creative, beautiful, edgy and interesting at the same time. Belissimo my love!
BIG BAD BRIG- I cannot say how much I love her unilateral attacks on Matthew! She is the heartbeat of the show and is shaping up to be quite a contender. I still think she has a very good chance of snatching the prize from golden boy Matthew or scrappy Janine. GO CRAZY GIRL! GO!
SOMETHING I HATED- No matter what the challenge is the stylists keep whipping up boring and easy long wavy hair. If it is a spy challenge or an outer space challenge or what have you, these bitches produce the same desperate housewife 'do time after time. If Jonathan wanted to rip the group new assholes for something- why not that?
I will be back next week like a chronic case of crabs to let loose on episode seven! So long my vicious and vapid little voyeurs! XOXO!
You can find Charlie at Click Salon in Denver and on his Web site
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