“What were they thinking!”Welcome back for another online snark attack with your scathing, satanic blogger—ME! Okay, SG3—Week TWO: I have much more to say than last week. Let’s let it rip, shall we?
The Judges:
Camila—I wasn’t crazy about the braided side-bun she sported during the Shortcut Challenge, but I did fancy the big and sexy frizzy-do she donned for the Elimination Challenge (was Hairdo One simply the set and Hairdo Two the comb-out? Hmmm). I also love her flowing caftan-esque gowns, BUT her presentation skills leave a lot to be desired. She also lost the spicy bite of last week, except for one fleeting little moment when she coldly banished Arzo, ordering her to say her goodbyes and leave (after Arzo accused her of unfair judging). That was her only mildly zesty moment. Come on, MOMMY, bring it harder for the gays next week. PLEASE!
Jonathan—For someone who usually is so obnoxious, I found him bland this week. He seemed almost bored (but not as bored as I was watching him. LOL!).
Orlando—I’m getting the feeling (from the re-caps, blogs and viewer comments) that the general audience, including many hairdressers, doesn’t have a clue how significant a figure this man is in the fashion world. Unfortunately, his elegant quiet personality just isn’t dynamic and tele-genic enough for those poor peasants who don’t know about him to bother finding out why they should.
Kim Vo—Kim, I know you are a friendly guy, but that psychotic grin that is forever plastered across your mug doesn’t evoke “nice lady “ like you think it does. It just reads “insane.” A couple more things. ONE: you can shout “BLONDEREXIC” over and over again, but it will never become some national catchphrase. TWO: You can conjure up doozies like “interracial snowman,” but it doesn’t take the place of actual judging. Having said all of that, you have successfully etched out a twisted little place for your self in the pantheon of reality show freaks, which is a niche even I could admire…
Guest Judge—Mr. Warren, it is a slippery slope to tell Brig that there is nothing “classy” about her tiramisu inspired up-do when doing so in a decidedly heavy, down-market New Jersey accent. Call me crazy but something tells me that Brig’s obviously calculated agenda on SG3 does not include being “classy!”
Things I Loved:
The Challenges—One technical color challenge and one quite pretentious and silly challenge. Cheeseburger as avante-garde hairdo was my personal favorite absurd artistic sartorial proposition to consider.
Jon’s winning SCALLOP FRENCH TWIST—He did a smooth tasteful style with high fashion bangs. It managed to be both pretty and creative at the same time. The color was well done, and I adored how he interpreted the scallops with bleached hair. I hope this love/hate with Matthew boils up into something frothy and toxic in future episodes. Mama’s hungry fer some fuedin’, stylists!
Janine and Faatemah—I loved Janine’s messy “salad” look and I thought Faatemah did a lovely blonde hair color in the Shortcut Challenge—and nobody beats her commentary.
Matthew’s work—He was confident, adventurous and well-spoken. I admire what he did with the tragic blonde tranny (did she have an anxiety disorder BTW? She seemed to twitch an awful lot.). The sushi bouffant he whipped up was tasteful, skillful and chic. I think he would have won if the fishtail hadn’t loosened.
BRIG!—Some have said she was trying way to hard—I say she is the only one trying at all—she’s good TV! Keep up the wackiness, babe!!!
Things I Loved To Hate
Adee—He doesn’t have the pathos of Brig, but his angry swagger is amusing.
The fact that he is a mediocre talent only enhances all his cussing and frustration. I betcha he will end up staying around passed the half way mark.
GIACOMO! WTF ?—One minute you are ripping your shirt off and peacocking around bare-chested. Then, without warning, you bow out at the beginning of episode two!!?? Don’t pretend you went through the whole casting process then left because you missed your kids. YOU ARE A WIMP! The best part is your cowardice will live on film FOREVER! ENJOY!
Arzo—OH, HONEY, you didn’t really think these shows are judged fairly, did you? Maybe if you weren’t so completely banal they would have seen how skilled you actually are. Of course yours wasn’t the worst! Sooo not the point…
BRIAN!!!—That shit you came up with was busy, frizzy and made me dizzy, girl. Camila, Kim, and Jonathan must have been on ecstasy, because you should have been sent home for that atrocity. Even Amy’s hideous style was better than your indiscretion. BARF!! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!
Remember, kids: HAIR IS IMPORTANT. Until next week, bitches…
You can find Charlie at Click Salon in Denver and on his Web site.
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